raghk.in

About a friend who feathered away

Mon, 16 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0000

One of the very first things I had mentioned to my wife, after we got married, was:

‘Wow! You have a lot of friends.'

For which she replied, ‘No, I have a normal number of friends; you have very few friends.'

The year was 2003. It was my first time away from home - in my college, and me being a introvert and sort of a misnomer, had very few friends. I was in talking basis with the guys in the neighbouring rooms in hostel, and a few people ahead of me and behind me in roll calls.

One evening, Jai, from a few rooms next to mine, knocks my door and says ‘Come lets go to the shop in front, for tea and snacks’. I replied, ‘ No! I will wait for 4.30pm for tea from hostel mess.’ (I was also famously stingy then :D). Jai sensed what was going on in my mind and says ‘It’s ok, Jo is paying. He only asked me to get some people.’ I reply that I don’t really know Jo. For which Jai reverts ‘It’s ok. He is next to my room. I also don’t know him that much. Come there is also Maggi noodles there.’

And that’s how I became friends with Jo. Jo was one of the very first people I could easily interact with, in my college. Again, that was mostly because of Jo. He was easy going and could have a conversation with anyone, about anything. Sometimes he knew what he was talking, but most times he would happily spin some story to keep the other person entertained.

A lot of evenings in my first year of college, was spent in Jai’s room, where me, Jo and a few others would assemble for some chitchat, and then proceed to the ‘anna’s shop’ outside malligai illam (hostel) , where we would fill our tummies at Jo’s expense. Sometimes even without Jo, we will go to anna’s shop, have our fill, and ask it to be added to Jo’s account. Jo never minded (or maybe, he never knew!!).

Jo had a lot of ‘model’ girlfriends. Or at the least, he claimed he did. Apparently he had a modelling stint, before he joined MBBS. Sometimes, he used to put them on speakerphone and make us talk to them, and have fun at our expense. One ‘model’ proclaimed ‘You have the worst friends ever’. I remember Jo enthusiastically replying, ‘No. They are the best friends ever.’

One day, Jo said ‘Lets go for a ride in my SUV’. An ignorant me queried, ‘Whats an SUV?’. Jo rolled his eyes and said, ‘Come out, an you will know’. It was a gorgeous Mitsubishi Pajero, Black and White I think. Apparently, his grandfather was in town for a week, and his car was with Jo for a week. My sorry ass had never been in a car that big, and after a ride around the university in it, I was screaming ‘Hey it’s Pajero Man’ for a week.

Sometime during MBBS year 1, Jo moved out of hostel, rented a home outside, and became a day scholar. And at the end of year 1, he was crazy enough to think he will pass after attending the morning session of biochemistry practicals, and skipped the evening session and went to sleep. He did not, and he had to move to the ‘break’ batch. Jo existed after that, but we kind of drifted apart. I remember visiting his house a few times in year 2, and thats about it. Whenever we met though, Jo will start our conversations with a gleeful , ‘Lakshmiiiiii’.

I finished my MBBS in Chidambaram, and joined General Surgery residency at the same college, and I had the misfortune of having to deal with the Anaesthesia department, on a regular basis. They were inefficient at their best, and lazy at their worst, except for a few gems, and getting cases assessed with them for elective and emergency surgeries was a pain.

Lucky for me, Joseph became an anaesthesia postgraduate when we were in year 2 of residency. And he was a good one. Complicated cases, no problem. Pending investigations, no problems. Midnight emergencies, no problem. Whenever I called him for anything anaesthesia related, ‘Lakshmiiiii, nee kondu vaa paathukalam’. A lot of our cases went from ward to operating table because of Maniram in medicine, and Jo in Ananes.

Jo used to hang out (and pass out!!) at another friend’s hostel room in year 2, and weekends were fun with a lot of stories, and drinks.

I finished General Surgery a year later, and we were taking photos in final day of Operating Theatre, Jo came ‘Lakshmiii naanum varen’ and inserted himself in those photos. I was like ‘Dei unakku inga enna velai? You still have an year left, no?.’ Jo replied ‘En friends ellam porenga, at least naanum photos la unga kooda varen’.

And that’s it.

Life happened.

And I don’t really remember calling Jo more than twice in the next decade. Whenever I called, the calls began with ‘Lakshmiii epdi iruke?’.

I completed Urology after that and I worked in someplace for a few years. One day a circular came from Medical Superintendent for some NABH / Quality control program, and attendance was compulsory. Joseph was one of the speakers.

My motto then was ‘Life is too short to attend academic events’, and so I bunked work that day.

Next day I was talking to the Medical Superintendent, and mentioned Joseph was my batchmate. He had some nice words to say about Joseph, and added ‘Aana overa scene potan pa.’

I quipped, ‘Scene pota daan sir Joseph.’

Joseph passed away unexpectedly, about two years ago.

He was the third batchmate we lost in a short span of time. I had the chance to pay my respects to the other two, but due to unavoidable circumstances, I couldn’t do the same for him.

I thought about writing this post for him then, but never did. Something brought him to mind today, so I’m writing this as my belated goodbye.

Rest in peace wherever you are, Jo.

‘No, I have a normal number of friends; you have very few friends.’ said my wife long long ago.

As I write this post, I realize that I do have a lot of friends. We just grew apart, like feathers scattered by a gust of wind.

Photo by Stumbleine Photography

Symbol of freedom

Sun, 15 Dec 2024 03:30:00 +0000

Hello, after a long time!!

Hope you all are doing well and getting ready for the year-end holiday break.

Two decades ago, I was a doe-eyed teen entering college life, staying in a hostel, away from my parents, in a faraway town. I did not own a mobile phone at that time, and the only mode of communication with my parents was the dingy old landline of the hostel in which I stayed. This phone accepted only incoming calls and had no dial or keypad to make an outgoing call. So I waited by the landline every day, at a predetermined time, for a call from my mother.

I am not much of a talker, and I rarely had anything to say to my mother, especially when we were on a call daily. However, my mother insisted that the calls happen. A few months into my college life, keeping up that fixed schedule became difficult, mostly because of chatting and having evening snacks at the ‘anna’s shop outside the hostel with a bunch of my friends. (May I add that all that was at my friend’s expense, who is no more. Thanks for the countless Maggi noodles you sponsored, Joe. You will always be remembered.)

My mom, frustrated by this, mandated that I step outside the hostel and take a walk to the nearest paid phone booth (the now extinct STD booth!!) which was half a kilometer away. And walk I did, daily. Annamalai University was a truly big campus, containing several colleges, and the evening university roads were bustling with activity, a true representation of the college scenes from the 90s movies. Not many cars or two-wheelers, no honk sounds, just hordes of colorful students walking, talking, and laughing. I remember distinctly enjoying the daily walk to the phone booth. It would be a ten to fifteen minute walk (I was slow and fat!!), for a one minute phone call, and a fifteen minute walk again.

This got interrupted with the arrival of mobile phones. Mobiles had already been in existence for the past few years, but they got more affordable, with well-priced talk plans. (90s kids will remember the Reliance CDMA phone!!).

My mother got me the iconic Nokia phone of those times. A Nokia 3310. It did a few things, unlike today’s phones, which can probably do almost everything. But it was excellent in what it did, was almost indestructible (weapon against street dogs), and had an awesome battery that lasted for ages.

I was very proud to have it. It was my symbol of freedom then. I could talk to my mother whenever I wanted. I didn’t have to walk for half a kilometer to make a call. (It was an entirely different story that I slowly stopped making daily calls to Mom after I got the mobile. You know how it goes: mobile is here, we think we can call anytime, and we never make the call.)

I do not remember for how long I held on to that Nokia 3310, but I do know this: I have been attached to mobiles since then. Which was not an issue when mobiles were just calling devices, but as the devices became more complex, my life grew more complicated.

A few stories that I could remember…

My friend during my post-graduation days used to joke, ‘It’s very easy to kill you; I just have to tie you to a corner of the room and keep your phone in the other corner.’.

I got married, and I was out on a honeymoon with my wife. I had a Samsung Galaxy S3 then, and it went bust on the first day of our trip. Few people who knew me said it was a good sign, and I would actually spend some time with my wife now!!

I used to stay in my aunt’s house during study holidays before the exams. A few days into my stay, during second-year undergrad study holidays, my mom gets a phone call from her sister (the aunt), ‘He is always on the phone; I don’t know if he will pass.’ (In my defense, I had a Nokia N-Gage gaming phone at that time, and I had recently discovered Sims. And yes, I passed)

I remember spending all the money I had saved up from my internship stipend (A measly 3000 rupees a month) on a Windows handheld device, which was utter crap. F**k you, B#ll G@tes!!

During my first daughter’s (Yes, there is a second one now. And I felt a bit weird while typing first daughter :D) birthday party; I was executing a garage sale on the side to sell my Android devices to fund my switch to iPhone.

Nowadays I need to keep a tab on my near and dear ones’ locations (Find My), a tab on my bank accounts (the countless bank and fintech apps), a tab on my budgeting (money manager apps), a tab on the markets (Zerodha), a tab on my friends (WhatsApp), a tab on my mind (Waking Up), and a tab on the world (Reddit). And hence, I need my phone, almost uncomfortably always.

A month ago, while shopping on Amazon, I discovered that the Nokia 3310 was on sale again!! It was almost similar to the phone from 20 years before, and I was smitten by the novelty and simplicity of it. I decided it’s time I reclaim my freedom from the ‘smartphones’ and placed an order for the Nokia 3310. While waiting for it to arrive, I charted an ambitious plan to wean away from my iPhone.

Once the phone arrived, I switched one of my SIM cards to it, transferred the contacts, and that’s it. I was all set. I loved the simplicity of it. No backups to restore, no accounts to set up, no apps to install.

I am sure you know that there is no fairy tale ending to this story. When I told my cousins that I was shifting to a dumb phone, they were like

To my credit, I lasted a week. All it took was a few missed messages in my daughter’s (first!!) school group and another business group of mine. I ran back to my iPhone, with my tail in between my legs.

I have retained the Nokia phone; I bought a spare SIM for it, and I religiously keep charging it every two weeks, hoping to return back to it someday. Looks like the Nokia 3310 is the phone I deserve, but I don’t need right now. (My first blog post with a Batman quote! Yay!)

When we think of a symbol of freedom, we might think of something unique or exotic. Like having all the money in the world, your own private jet, a cabin in your own forest, a house on your own island. Often, it could be something simple that you had before but don’t have now.

In the past, I have always equated financial freedom as my true symbol of freedom. Now I know it’s just a Nokia 3310.

Cover Photo by Photo by Marius Schmidt from Pexels.

The Place Where We Had Internet

Thu, 29 Aug 2024 14:40:00 +0000

Not so long ago, there existed a place, in the corner of every living room or study room.

That place had a table and chair.

And on the table, was a monitor, keyboard, mouse, and a black box connected to your telephone line.

Switch them all on, you heard a series of beeps and static noise, and you went online.

This was the place where you had Internet.

You went to that place, when you wanted Internet - to check mails, to pay bills, to read some news.

And more importantly, when you left that place, you left Internet.

When that place existed,

Your world was small.

Your time passed a bit slower.

Your friends existed away from Internet.

You sought appreciation from, and you gave your opinions to people who you knew, and people who really mattered.

You bought stuff from your neighbourhood store, after chatting and maybe haggling a bit with the store owner.

Your knowledge came from books, written by people who had authority on the subject.

You did not worry about forest fires in amazon, because you did not know about it.

You had the skill of ’staying bored, without doing anything’

That place exists now, In a tiny screen in your hands.

With that, you lost the ability to leave Internet.

And when you lost your ability to leave Internet, My dear friend

You lost it all.

Note: The inspiration for this post is an image I saw on reddit, That image featured an old pc, with the same title as this post.

Cover Photo by Marissa Lewis on Unsplash

Perspectives

Mon, 28 Aug 2023 14:40:00 +0000

Being a hobbyist photographer means two things.

You do not make money out of your photographs.
You end up spending a lot acquiring gear, you realize you don’t like it much and put it up for sale, only to spot something else the next day, and the cycle continues.

These two facts, make it an expensive hobby to keep up. I once quipped to a photography buddy of mine ‘One more lens, and my gear is complete!’. To which he replied ‘Oh it’s never complete!’

This time, I was not looking to get more camera stuff, but stuff to efficiently carry my camera gear.

I am a big fan of Peakdesign, and amongst their camera bags I had shortlisted two - the 30 litre everyday backpack and the 45 litre travel backpack. For sanity sake I will refer the former as ‘smaller bag’ and the latter as ‘bigger bag’ here.

I spent a lot of time reading up bag reviews, watched quite a few youtube recommendations, and yet, I couldn’t make up my mind. I was leaning towards the bigger bag, but I decided to turn to reddit for guidance.

I created a post in Reddit’s Peakdesign community, asking for the other members to choose between the two bags. To my chagrin, most of them chose the smaller bag, and said ‘That bag is perfect’ and ‘It would be the only bag I would ever need’. I was not convinced even after a majority vote for the smaller bag, and I put my purchase plans on hold.

A week later, I got a ‘new reply’ notification to my post. Curious to see what someone’s got to say, a week after my post had became idle, I logged in. Incidentally, while creating the post, I had made a specific request, which included my needs, my gear and my physique.

A user had commented " I am larger than you, but not by much. You are not an average guy, you are a large guy. I can see that a lot of people here have suggested you to go with the smaller bag, but remember they all might not be large, they might be average or even small.

What they have suggested is something that is going to look good on themselves, not necessarily on you.

Smaller people have smaller perspectives in life, which is fine, because they are small. But you are not.

I would suggest you to go with a bigger bag. It’s gonna look good on you. If you are not convinced, go to a store and try them both."

I couldn’t stop smiling for a few seconds. For Reddit is one of the last places where you would expect someone to spell out some of the greatest truths.

In this overconnected world, too much of one’s time is spent seeking the opinions, approvals and validations of others. While conveniently forgetting the fact that, others do not see the world with the same eyes as you, and their thoughts, visions and perspectives may vary wildly, and could be an exact opposite of yours.

While seeking the thoughts of others on a subject matter, one would do well to remember a variation of the quote from my redditor guide:

Other people have other opinions about your life, which is fine, because they are, well, not you!

In the classroom of a photography school, the teacher shows a camera bag to his students and asks what do they see.

Half the class said the bag was half empty, while the other half said the bag was half full.

Terrible, terrible I know.

As you prepare to facepalm yourselves, I’m preparing to sell some of my lenses to fund my new camera bag. :)

Cover Photo by Nadine Shaabana on Unsplash

Enough

Thu, 27 Jul 2023 16:00:00 +0000

Hello again, after a (very) long gap!!!

My track record with ‘fish pets’ is not great.

Few years ago, I stayed at a my relative’s place for a week. They had a nice fish tank, with a lot of pretty looking orangey fishes (Parrot Fish?). I spent a lot of time, admiring the antics of the fishes. As soon as I got close to the tank, the fishes used to come up to the surface of the water.

I thought the either the fishes liked me, or they were hungry. I decided the latter was more likely and sprinkled some feed, which was happily gobbled up. The same act was repeated several times in a day, for the week I stayed there.

A week or two later, I came to know that most of the fishes were ‘no more’.

Apparently, fishes do not realize that they are overfeeding/being overfed, and will eventually fall sick and die. (Good lesson for me, at my relative’s expense!)

As a practising medical professional, one of my favourite quotes is ‘Every day you live healthy after 60, is a bonus.' And it is usually well received. ‘Usually’ being the key word here.

Sometime ago, I had the misfortune of having to break the news of an advanced cancer diagnosis to a patient and his anxious family members. I ended it with ‘I’m sorry, but at your age, nothing much can be done. Every day after 60 is a bonus, and you are lucky to have 30+ years after that.'

The patient, a 92 year old frail man, who required some form of assistance for walking, feeding, and carrying out other daily activities replied ‘No. I want to live. What (treatment) can be done?'

One of the biggest advantages of the pandemic was that it brought people together as communities. In my case, my fellow professionals formed Whatsapp communities, in which several senior and junior colleagues actively participated. And these communities stuck together after the pandemic.

One fine day, a colleague came and complained that Life is unfair for medical professionals. He is stuck working in his hospital and operating cases on a daily basis, while his schoolmate who pursued a career in management has happily retired, and is now consulting as a freelancer in his own time schedule, making big bucks and hopping countries.

All that sounds fair, except for the fact that the very person complaining is one of the well respected person his field, the top 1% who has the ability to decide how and when he works, and makes 10x more than what he could spend on a daily basis.

June this year, was unique for me.

Unique in the sense that almost all the women in my life, were either buying jewelry, or they were ~~plotting~~ planning to buy.

While it is foolish for a man to step in between a woman and jewels, I did try.

Armed with facts gathered from numerous websites, wikis and Netflix documentaries, I made my case against jewelry and presented the facts to my better half, her cousins and an friend.

~~In the end, I realized the meaning of the phrase ‘to fall on deaf ears’.~~ Lets keep things civil and just say that the results were not worth my effort.

For the love of God, and to stop beating a dead horse, I will not type the fisherman vs businessman story here.

I have come to the conclusion that most humans are like fishes.

For they do not know that have (had) enough, and are stuck in the never ending cycle of running for the sake of acquiring more and more. Even worse, some are running without knowing why they are running. Sadly, the modern world needs, and encourages more and more of such people, as the economic engine of the world is fuelled by consumption.

While I have been there and done that, I largely strive not to be that person anymore, after being introduced to Minimalism.

Sometimes I wonder, am I using Minimalism as an excuse to be lazy? Then I reassure myself that:

‘In a World filled with excess, stopping to say enough is not an excuse, but a super power.’

Not being motivated by money or materialistic possessions, does not make one lazy, but frees and empowers one to pursue things that really matter.

Cover Photo by Luke Ellis-Craven on Unsplash

Legacy

Sun, 04 Jun 2023 13:30:00 +0000

After a long lull, I decided to start reading again, and fired up my Kindle.

This time, I chose a book which was on my reading list before, but forgotten until now.

‘When Breath Becomes Air’ is the autobiography of an unfortunate young man, Paul Kalanithi - a writer, a neurosurgeon - who was on a path to scale great heights, but was stopped short by sickness. The book was incomplete when Paul left this World, and was finished by Paul’s spouse after his death.

The book tells the story of Paul, who after getting a degree in literary field, switches career to become a neurosurgeon - neuroscientist, gets diagnosed with cancer at the end of his decade long, gruelling medical education and residency. After starting therapy, he contemplates whether he should go back to surgical field, or consider becoming a Writer.

After a brief stint in Neurosurgery, he decided to become a Writer - when surgery becomes almost impossible to pursue - and sets out to finish the very book I’m talking about, before his time runs out. His last wish was to get the book published by any means. The book would be his legacy, to his eight month old daughter.

More than once I have been asked ‘Why do you do this?’.

‘This’ being the blog I write in, and the photographs I potray in my Gallery.

The context being ‘You produce content that seems good enough, but no one ever reads it as you do not market it or make any attempts to popularize it, and even if you did, it is highly likely that it would get lost in a sea of similar content.’

‘So then, why spend time, effort, money to do these things?

Earlier, My answer would be ‘It might not make sense, but I write for myself, not for others. Same for photography, I enjoy the process. To me a photograph is a story in a different form, a slice of time which I froze, because I saw something unique’.

‘Would others understand the meaning behind those words? Would they see what I saw in those images? I would never know. I do it because I like doing it’

Sometime later, ‘thankfully’ my answer became short.

‘I do it because, this is what I’m gonna leave behind.'

Much before I read Paul’s book, I realized my words, and my photographs, were something I could leave behind. A legacy of sorts. Like a caveman who carved stories on the walls of their caves. They may mean something to someone, or they may not mean anything to anyone. They may or may not be of any monetary value.

But nothing more could be a true representation of who I was, whom I cared about, what I valued, than my own works.

A part of me has always wondered though, ‘Is this even a worthy legacy?'

I got my answer when I finished ‘When Breath becomes Air’.

Paul passed away before his professional career could take off. In the short period between his diagnosis, and death, he worked hard to secure the financial future of his wife and his daughter. It would be reasonable to assume that he did not get to leave behind as much ‘Wealth’ as he would have liked.

Twenty years from now, what would his daughter prefer? A million dollars, or the words her dad left for her, in his book?

Cover Photo by Laura Fuhrman on Unsplash

Lost Magic

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 21:30:00 +0000

Koodaravalli !!!

As a kid in the Nineties, all I knew about it was that it’s an event which had a musical name. It also meant that I get to wake up early by five, take a cold bath, and get ready to travel in our (t)rusty old ambassador. Soon, the fully loaded ambassador will start and travel through the winding dark roads with tall trees on either side, to the distant town to reach the temple where my mom sponsors the koodaravalli pooja to the deity every year.

The temple with its huge gopuram and large doors were a sight that awed me as a kid. While the pooja went on, I used to run in the long corridors within the temple complex, playing hide and seek with the idols there. Once the pooja was over, the akka at the temple will pack for us, the tasty offerings made for the pooja, and I couldn’t wait to get back home and feast on them.

If it was my lucky day, the temple would have been crowded, we would come back home late in the morning and I would get a day off from school.

It’s 2023, and my mom still sponsors the pooja every year. This year I joined her for the temple pooja.

I haven’t been to this temple for a long long time. If I remember correctly, I had stopped the koodaravalli temple visits from the time I was away in college. My college education was done and dusted, and I have been home for almost a decade now, and yet, the koodaravalli temple visits never happened for me.

Coming back here was like revisiting pages from an old journal diary.

From my last memory as a kid, and now, I noticed a few things.

Koodaravalli still sounds like music to me.

I still do not know what the function is for. I am pretty sure I have been told what its for, multiple times and yet.. (I am not exactly the religious kind, I consider myself an Agnostic, whose thoughts align a bit with Buddhism.)

It is not ‘that dark’ at 6 AM in this part of the country.

There were no winding roads to the temple. Maybe they existed before, but it was all straight paved and tarred roads now.

The tall trees were no more, and brick and mortar buildings lined the road on either side.

The distant town was a ten minute car drive from my home.

The temple was small…. Quite small compared to my childhood memories. The gopuram and the wooden doors were not as massive as in my memories. The long corridors from my memories were nowhere to be seen, and I could walk around the temple corridors in less than half a minute.

The temple was small compared to the house where I had lived all these years. As a kid, It would have taken me more time to come around my house, than coming around the temple. And yet, Little me, in some way, had associated all these wonderful ‘larger than life’ experiences with the yearly koodaravalli temple visit.

I said to my mom ‘Everything looks so small compared to what I had in my memories’ for which she quipped ‘That’s because you are quite big now’ •`_´•

The offerings prepared by akka were as tasty as ever, thankfully.

While coming back home, I couldn’t help but wonder,

Sometime during growing up, adults definitively loose touch with the magic we possessed during our childhood.

Maybe, that magic was childhood.

And the only way an adult can experience that magic again, albeit for a short time, is to look at the world along with a child, through their eyes.

Cover Image: Photo by Ruvim

The Accidental Stoics

Tue, 29 Nov 2022 02:30:00 +0000

‘Man, What the hell have we gotten ourselves into?’ ‘What are we going to do next? We are so screwed, and we have to endure few more years of this ****.’ This was the discussion between me and my friend, ‘M’ (Who is now Dr.M, a Plastic Surgeon) after being burned by an internal assessment during our early undergrad days.

We were dejected about the turn of events in college, that we briefly considered quitting college. We had visions of us roaming free in our bike, exploring the world. (Neither of us owned a bike. And I didn’t even know how to ride a bike then.) Reality soon set in, and those visions were replaced by visions of our parents chasing us with brickbats. We decided going out to eat dinner was a viable, safe and ~~cheap~~ cost-effective alternative.

High on a potent combo of Parota, Salna, and Coke (the Coca-Cola kind, not the Breaking Bad kind) we decided to plan a coping mechanism to endure the rest of painful college years.

We decided that life is made up of two kinds of factors. The M factor, and the F factor. ‘M factor’ is any situation or event, which could be modified by our actions, and when an M factor is encountered, it is worth spending time and effort to overcome it. M stands for modifiable. ‘F factor’ is any situation or event, which is not going to change, no matter what you do, and when an F factor is encountered, it’s best to accept it, suck it up and move on. F stands for ****.

We decided college was truly an F factor, and there was nothing we could do about it. We gulped a few more Parotas, decided to accept college and simultaneously ignore it and ‘live our life’ (whatever that meant for a couple of cash strapped teens in early 2000s).

I had a few credits in my Audible that was about to expire, and I went through a list of book suggestions sent to me, and picked up an audiobook of ‘Meditations by Marcus Aurelius’ which was a compilation from the ‘never meant to be published, personal journals’ of an powerful Roman Emperor from centuries ago. The book was supposed to be rich in ‘Stoicism’, and I thought it would be a good idea to combine the audiobook, with the book ‘The Daily Stoic’ which had a similar theme.

The very first meditation in the book was titled ‘Control and Choice’ and had the following quote.

“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own . . .” —EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 2.5.4–5

And then the chapter began, ‘The single most important practice in Stoic philosophy is differentiating between what we can change and what we can’t. What we have influence over and what we do not.’

I pointed out the similarity between the core Stoic philosophy and our M & F factors, to my better half.

She argued that I’m just making up random stuff.

I argued back that I have mentioned the same M & F factors to her before, to help her, and that our philosophies and stoic philosophies were as similar as ‘Potato, Potahto’.

She wouldn’t have any of it.

In true stoic fashion, I deemed her an F factor (secretly, and silently) and moved on.

I’m gonna send this article link to Dr.M. Soon he is gonna call me and go, ‘Dude, What the ****.’

Cover Image : Photo by Griffin Wooldridge

Procrastination and Parallel Lives

Thu, 13 Oct 2022 06:30:00 +0000

I imagine that if someone would plot my activity levels in a graph, it would look like an E.C.G (Electrocardiogram). That too, an abnormal E.C.G which shows spikes of intense activity, followed by a long flatline of inactivity, and repeat. For that is how I find myself working these days. I could go on and on for few days or weeks, tick every unfinished tasks, and have time for my hobbies, journaling and workouts. And then suddenly, as if someone hit the slow down or pause button, I would spend few days or weeks procrastinating if I should move a muscle.

I would love to say that ‘Procrastination is my middle name’, but unfortunately I have a lot of names already. My parents had a decision fatigue after they gave birth to me, and so I ended up with a Long name, a Short name, a name with many middle names - which is actually a combination of my long and short names. My friends decided to cut my big name into whatever they please, which gave me a few more names. Anyway, that is a story for another day. For now, it’s enough to say that I have an affair with procrastination, but not enough for it to be my middle name.

Why do people procrastinate? I have pondered about this, and I ended up equating procrastination with laziness.

Why is my room not clean? Because I was lazy to not do it.

Why is the garden unkempt? Why have the plants withered? Because I was lazy to take care of them. ( I have killed a few plants, which are, let’s say, Hard to Kill !!)

We tend to procrastinate on a lot of things. About mundane activities in our daily lives,or about taking life defining decisions. Laziness is a reason for procrastination, Sure. But is it the only reason? Especially when it comes to taking complex decisions?

I never thought much about the deeper reasons behind procrastination and indecision until now. Listening to Oliver Burkeman ¹ talking about ‘Deciding’ ² threw some new light on this for me.

Oliver Burkeman says, it is natural for people to not take a decision quickly. Because having to make a decision, puts people in a position where they have to choose. Puts them in the position of the narrator of Robert Frost’s ‘Two Roads Diverged in a Wood’. In a position, where they once choose a road, they would never know how the journey through the other road would have gone.

Oliver says that the moment you take a decision, you are cutting a stream of parallel life in which you would have taken the other decision. Up until that moment, both of those lives exist in your imagination, but the moment you take that decision, you permanently cut one imaginary life, and the other one becomes a reality. He gave a nice example ‘The only way I can be a caring father for my child on a daily basis, and be able go on a six month yoga retreat around the world, is to never take the decision to do either one of them.'

We can only be in one place, at a time. That’s our finitude. But we can be in hundred different places, do hundred different things in hundred different parallel lives, at the same time, in our fantasies. When put this way, it’s easy to understand our affliction with procrastination and not taking decisions.

Few are stuck in the memories of their past. Few, are stuck with the imagination of their (many) future lives.

Cover Image credits: Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

A British Journalist & Writer. www.oliverburkeman.com ↩︎
Deciding' is a part of the Oliver Burkeman series called ‘Time management for mortals’ in the Waking up App for meditation & Mindfulness ↩︎

Chasing the perfect cushion

Sat, 18 Jun 2022 23:30:00 +0000

Chris and Jordan run a popular photography channel, where they review camera gears for dpreview.com. The two are a laugh riot, and a lot of people like me follow the channel just for the laughs. (Too poor to buy the gear, anyway !!)

On a particular episode, they were reviewing a Leica Q2 Monochrom camera (‘which shoots only black and white pictures’, for the not-nerds),

Chris quips, “Nobody is going to argue about color science in the comments. It’s black, it’s uniform, everyone’s happy”.

Jordan replies “They are just going to argue about the noise pattern in the images. You can’t win” :D

I live in the tropics, and I hate how hot it gets here. Summer come, and all I could think would be to escape to a colder haven. How perfect, would that be?

Well, I did escape this summer.

After spending a week in cold cold weather, I was eagerly looking to get back to the hot weather I’m used to.

I realized that I’m a lot more comfortable living with an air conditioner in hot weather, rather than living with layers of clothes and a heater in cold weather.

When I started delving deeper into Buddhism, during the early days of pandemic, I realized that I am not comfortable sitting in the lotus position on a flat floor and needed a cushion.

And my search for a perfect cushion began.

Months passed and I was yet to find ‘the’ perfect cushion. I spent a significant amount of time reading cushion reviews on Amazon.

One day, I was revisiting some old instruction videos, and I found this gem. In the instructor’s words

“Do get a comfortable cushion, as it will greatly benefit your practice. But do not spend too much time, searching for a perfect cushion…..

……because it doesn’t exist”

We spend a lot of time chasing perfection. And we end up finding,

Half the time, It is not perfect as we thought it would be.

And rest of the times, It just raises the bar for how we define perfection.

There really is no perfect cushion !

Cover Image: Photo by Maksim Goncharenok:

Insignificant

Fri, 10 Jun 2022 23:30:00 +0000

Who is the most important person to you?

Who is the most ‘significant person’ to you?

A truthful answer to either of those questions would be ‘You’.

It is not an answer anyone is going to like. Nevertheless, it is the true answer. We are the centre of our Universe, and everything revolves around us. We are the ‘Person of Significance’. Nothing wrong with it. The sense of ‘self’ is what defines us, and makes each one of unique.

Sometimes though, we are able to step out of our universe, albeit for brief moments, to experience something new, something true.

I went on a holiday, after a long time.

My holiday destinations usually end up on the beachside or in urban jungles. This time, for a change, I decided to travel to some place I have never been, and to see some things I have never seen.

There are rivers, and then, there are ‘The Rivers’. It was mesmerizing to see a mighty river with clear green waters, running along my travel path.

My travel took me upriver, and it was humbling to see the numerous waterfalls - big and small, flowing down from the mountains to mingle with and be a part of the river.

Further up the mountains, the rivers had carved a wide beautiful valley which cycles between grass, flowers and ice depending on the season.

Slowly the vehicles approached the top of the mountain, and soon I was up close with the snow clad peaks.

There is something about seeing a snow clad mountain peak up close. So close that you could actually touch it. So close that you are surrounded by its fog. A sight so pure, that it changes something inside you forever.

I had read in school, that water evaporates to form clouds, clouds come in contact with each other or with a mountain which causes rain, and the rain water flows as river and the cycle continues. I’m not even sure if I’m recollecting this properly or if this holds good anymore. But that is exactly what I saw.

My hotel room had a direct view of yet another snowy mountain. I saw some dark clouds in the distance, and they were travelling in the direction of the mountain. The closer they came, the bigger they were and darker they became. The clouds neared the mountain peak, and moments later I saw rain drops decorating the glass pane of my room’s window.

Exactly at that moment, I became Insignificant.

The Gift of Tomorrow

Sun, 13 Mar 2022 05:30:00 +0000

My dear friend Kay pointed out to me that posts about Buddhism were missing from my blog.

‘When are you going to write about Buddhism?’, he asked one day.

I consider myself not even a Beginner in the Buddhist path, but as someone who is curiously exploring the Buddhist concepts. While that makes me incapable of giving a lengthy discourse, I am going to share my simple thoughts on one of the central themes of Buddhism.

The past few years have been ‘Uneasy’, to say the least. Thanks to the Pandemic - which majority of us have never witnessed before, a War - which threatened to escalate to WW III, Climate Change - which still has its share of non believers, Inflation - which is skyrocketing across all nations, and more. This seems to be the right time to talk about ‘Impermanence’.

My work puts me in an unenviable position where I get to ask patients to undergo a surgical procedure. Understandably, not everyone is thrilled about it. People respond in different ways, when I counsel them. A set of people, while willing for the procedure, get stuck, thinking about the complications, the side effects, after effects, recurrence rates and so on.

Mostly fuelled by anxiety, and partly fuelled by the wealth of information available about their condition, they demand one or all of the following:

One hundred percent success.
Guarantee of no complications.
Assurance of no recurrence.

Clearly, I cannot guarantee any of those, and I try to set the expectations right.

When we hit a stonewall, I usually end up asking them

“Why are you so worried about what’s going to happen a few days, or a few weeks from now, when you don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow?”

“Oh Doc, but I know what is going to happen tomorrow. This is my schedule, my plan for the next day”

“That’s nice. But where is the guarantee that you or me will be seeing tomorrow’s daylight?”

Usually a blank stare ensures.

Impermanence is one of the core concepts of Buddhism. And understanding it is essential to understand a lot of other Buddhist Concepts.

Impermanence simply means, ‘Everything changes’ and ‘Nothing is Permanent’.

Believing that nothing changes, and thinking one has it all under control gives us an illusion of security. But in reality, everything changes.

We change. We age every single day, physically and mentally. A personal reflection will tell us that we are much different from how we were a decade ago. Our personality, our friendships, our relations have all changed or evolved as time passes.

The world around us changes every single day, even though it does not seem so. Quoting a passage I love from tricycle magazine ‘The world around us may appear solid and unchanging, but even rivers change course, mountains crumble, seas dry up, and stars burn out. The entire universe is in a process of constant flux, arising and falling away. Our brief lives give us the privilege of witnessing this grand procession for just a moment.'

If everything changes, and nothing is permanent, then what exactly is the point? The point of this life? The point of whatever we do? The point of this post?

The point is to shift our focus from ‘Tomorrow’ to ‘Today’.

The crux of ‘Procrastination’- of which I have been guilty, multiple times - is that there is a tomorrow. Reminding ourselves about Impermanence allows us to deal with this. If it’s important enough, do it today.

Planning for permanence, leads to anxiety. Having plans is good, but more important is to have a plan, and to acknowledge that even the best plans go awry. Always be prepared for change, and to embrace whatever comes along.

Most of our present lives is spent on the thoughts of tomorrow. Focusing on the task we have at the moment, focusing on the present will help us realise that what we have in this moment is nothing short of a miracle.

Quoting Thich Nhat Hanh ‘Many of us don’t allow ourselves to be relaxed. Why do we always try to run and run, even while having our breakfast, while having our lunch, while walking, while sitting? There’s something pushing and pulling us all the time. We make ourselves busy in the hopes of having happiness in the future. In the sutra “Knowing the Better Way to Live Alone,” the Buddha said clearly, “Don’t get caught in the past, because the past is gone. Don’t get upset about the future, because the future is not yet here. There is only one moment for you to be alive, and that is the present moment. Go back to the present moment and live this moment deeply, and you’ll be free.'

Today may be a Certainty, but Tomorrow is always a Gift.

Cover Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Ten Reminders from a Road Diversion !!

Sun, 06 Mar 2022 01:30:00 +0000

During my everyday drive to work, I have to cross a British-era bridge. The bridge has been closed for about a month for renovations, and due to a lengthy diversion through village roads, our daily commute has been extended by thirty minutes.

The diversion, despite its length, pain, and annoyance, reminded me of the following:

Change is Hard.

Everyone was upset during the first few days of the road diversion. The commuters who had to travel for long. Drivers who were exhausted. The cops who were fed up of arguing with motorists and enforcing the diversion. The peasants' whose tranquil roadways became congested, forcing them to shift to smaller paths or walk through the fields.

Change is hard, for everyone. Recognizing and embracing it will not make the change easy, but it is a step in the right direction.

Realising who is the first victim of change.

I realised that the first victim of every change is ‘Me.'

30 extra minutes spent driving meant 30 minutes of not doing something else. For me, that something else happened to be the things I do for myself, such as running and meditating.

That thirty minutes could have come from work, social media time, or rescheduling evening appointments, but none of those alternatives crossed my mind.

It’s not just me. Because it is so easy to compromise on ourselves, most of us do it simply without thinking.

What’s common to one, is unique to someone else.

In those first few days of the diversion, people in the car were admiring and photographing the lush green fields.

The villagers, amused by the never-ending parade of vehicles on their usually empty roads, sat in groups and watched the bustle.

Appreciate those who do ‘more’ with ‘less’.

The locals saw the diversion as an opportunity and began selling their produce along the way. We bought some ‘farm fresh’ produce, and the seller’s delight at making the sale for a few rupees was priceless. Presumably, his happiness stems from being able to sell his items directly, bypassing the middlemen, all without having to leave his community. The meagre additional gains made in the process meant a lot to him, as seen by his smile.

Respect physical work.

The members of my carpool were fatigued due to the slow pace of the detour, as well as the poor roads and scorching afternoon heat (despite the air conditioning). Apart from the driver, all of the other passengers in the car (including me!!) used to fall asleep during the detour.

When it was my turn to drive, I noticed at the same time, my coworkers dozing and farmers toiling in the fields in the afternoon sun.

A stark reminders of the comforts we have and take for granted.

Good company makes everything bearable.

Some days, due to bottlenecks and gridlocks, we were stuck for hours. Thankfully I wasn’t alone, or else I would have been at my wit’s end. Having friends and colleagues in the car helped to make light of the situation and made everything bearable.

The detour took us through the residential part of the village, and I could see families sitting in their “thinnai” (raised floor / verandah) having their afternoon meal, or having a post meal siesta, or lying down and chatting.

A family full of working white collar professionals would be lucky to share a single meal with their whole family in a week.

Decrease wants.

Seeing all this, a carpool buddy commented ’ Happiness lies not in earning more, but in decreasing wants' & ‘Lesser the need, more the happiness’.

As a minimalist, I couldn’t agree more.

Eventually, Change becomes a Habit.

For a week, we grumbled about the diversion.

Then, we got used to it.

It became a routine, and as we and the other regular commuters got used to it, we became better at navigating the diverted roads. What used to be a thirty minute diversion, became a twenty minute diversion.

This too shall pass.

Another week, and the bridge would be repaired. The diversion will soon be forgotten, as we switch back to our old route.

This too shall pass, and all I have to do is to endure it for a short while.

Why Write?

Sun, 20 Feb 2022 11:00:00 +0000

Every now and then, I wonder why I chose to write.

I had always wanted to write. And I have been regular at it since the middle of the pandemic. I find that writing gives me an outlet to express my thoughts, and brings me joy.

I do believe that there is an ‘inner purpose’ to whatever we do, but apart from the personal benefits mentioned, I couldn’t really find any deep purpose in my writing.

So then, Why did I choose to Write?

I consider writing a thankless profession, or in my case, a thankless hobby for the following reasons.

Photo by Andrew Ball on Unsplash

1. Writing is Hard !

It is incredibly hard to produce meaningful content, on any regular basis. I found this, the hard way. My initial goal when I started this blog, was to write at least 3 posts a day.

Three became two, and two became once a week - ‘my Sunday morning blog post’ - which was fine for a few weeks, before I started struggling again.

2. Finding people to read, is even more Hard !

Thankfully I have no goals to hit thousands of page views a month. If I had, it would have made me anxious, rather than bringing me joy, because

Nobody has the time to spend ten minutes on your blog. They would rather spend it watching a youtube video, ten Instagram posts, or hundred tweets in the same time.
You are competing against AI powered social media, which serves visually rich articles to the viewer, versus your blog which tells your reader what coffee you had yesterday.
You are competing against clickbait news, which drags your viewer away, and keeps him engrossed with more clickbait suggestions.
You have only one spouse (usually!!!). So that means, only one person whom you can pester/threaten/emotionally blackmail, to read your blog posts.

3. Writing has no Face !

I love Morgan Housel. He is my favourite writer and author. Reading his words bring me more joy than reading my words. I revisit his blog atleast once a week. I have automation setup which sends me a email every time he updates his blog. I follow him on Twitter. I have seen his picture multiple times.

Quote me his words, and I can easily identify them in sleep.

And yet, he could be sitting next to me in a flight, and I wouldn’t recognize him.

Because, writing has no face.

Which might be a good thing, or a bad thing, depending on how pretty your face looks.

4. Writing, is like running !

There are no end goals in running. You don’t stop running after you run xxx miles. You try to better yourself every day. And mostly, you do so, alone.

Similarly, there are no end goals in Writing. You just write, no matter what. That’s all there’s to it.

5. Everybody is a Writer !

Once when I was a student, my professor asked me, “What is your hobby?”

‘Photography’, I replied.

Fast came the reply, ‘Everyone with a camera mobile is a Photographer!’ 🤷🏻

I was incredibly offended then, but later I realized that is the truth. Everyone is a photographer, just that most are incredibly bad ones (Like you, says my better half).🥶

Same for a Writer.

Have a paper? Have a pen? Or a computer with a keyboard? Congratulations, Writer!!

So, every now and then, I wonder why did I chose writing? What was I preparing myself for? I could never find an answer that satisfies me, until a month ago.

It’s time for my little one to be put in a school. For the past few weeks, me and my better half have been busy scouting schools, eliminating or selecting schools based on a hundred different ridiculous parameters, which “are not really ridiculous” according to my better half.

As we started attending school interviews, and answering assessment sheets, it dawned on me.

This is the inner purpose, for the writer inside me.

This is exactly why I became a Writer !!

Curve of Choices

Sun, 30 Jan 2022 01:30:00 +0000

I first heard about the law of diminishing returns, when I was an Audiophile.

In simple terms, the law states that after a certain point, putting in more resources (money, time) is not going to give you proportional returns.

In audiophile terms, this means that spending 10x more (upgrading equipments) will not bring in 10x improvement in audio quality. The perceived improvement will be much lesser, compared to the resources spent. Chasing that small improvement may be beneficial for a few, but for the lot it would be a waste of their time or money.

This simple law, is not limited to audio geeks, but it is universal.

I would like to call it the “Curve of Choices”.

No matter what we tell ourselves, we have a choice in what we do, at any point of time.

Some choices we make strike a balance between our wants and our efforts, while some choices end up with us spending a disproportionate amount of resources for what we do not need.

Spending top dollar to get the latest gadget.
Spending enough to get a gadget for your needs.
Skewing the work-life balance towards work.
Focussing to get a work-life balance.
Relentlessly pursuing an argument to have the last word.
Apologising and moving on.
Reacting instantly without control.
Responding thoughtfully.
Blind Materialism.
Understanding what materialism is and trying to incorporate minimalism.
Procrastinating.
Being productive.
Starting something stupid, something imperfect.
Aiming for perfection, never starting.

Few of the above choices end up at the middle of the curve, the sweet spot between the efforts and returns, while a few of the choices end up at the disproportionate plateauing top.

There might not always be rights or wrongs, but there are always choices !!

A Rough patch, a Movie and a Journal

Sun, 23 Jan 2022 01:30:00 +0000

I was tweaking the blog theme, when I noticed it has been over a month since I have produced meaningful, original content for the blog. It was not for a lack of effort, as I have multiple unfinished posts in my iA Writer. But every time I attempt to complete a post, I find myself at a loss of words.

“Have I hit the rough patch? The famed Writer’s block?" I wondered. “It does seem quite early for that”.

My better half set me free from my apprehensions.

“To get a Writer’s block, you have to be a Writer first”, She quipped.

Oh well.

What really happened? Blame it on the season, the long string of holidays, and a quick succession of festivals. I chilled and lost my momentum, as I always do in Dec - Jan. I stopped reading, and started Netflixing (Is that even a word?).

I realized my writing dried up, right about the time I stopped reading. So would going back to my reading habits, enable me to write again?

Sunday is fast approaching. I don’t have a post yet.

To put my theory to test, I picked up a book which I have been trying to complete for a bit of time now. It was Richie Norton’s “The Power of Starting Something Stupid”. (Wonderful litte book. Do check out if you are into that genre).

The chapter I began talked about Gratitude. And the benefits of being thankful, even for the smallest acts. According to the book,

“Thanking is a form of payment that exponentially pays forward both personally and professionally.”

And the author nudges us to be thankful more often.

“If you want to experience a greater sense of thankfulness in your life, say “Thank you!” more often. It’s a small thing, but people who consistently express gratitude develop a higher level of awareness for all the things in their lives they have to be grateful for. When we express our gratitude, it grows.”

And suddenly, I was reminded of a movie I had seen a few days ago “Come as you are”. The comedy - drama film is based on a true story. It’s about three Persons with Disabilities (PwD) - a visually impaired one, a quadriplegic, and a wheelchair bound terminally ill person - going on a road trip from America to Canada, to a brothel which caters to PwD’s.

Part funny, and part thought provoking, the movie reminded me how much we take for granted, the little important things in life. And I remembered the words of Earl Nightingale,

“Everything that’s really worthwhile in life came to us free — our minds, our souls, our bodies, our hopes, our dreams, our ambitions, our intelligence, our love of family and children and friends and country. All these priceless possessions are free.”

“And things that are given to us for nothing, we place little value on. Things that we pay money for, we value.”

“But the things that cost us money are actually very cheap and can be replaced at any time. A good man can be completely wiped out and make another fortune. He can do that several times. Even if our home burns down, we can rebuild it. But the things we got for nothing, we can never replace.”

The movie, and the book, reminded me of my sorry attempts to maintain a Gratitude Journal. My mentor said to me once, that maintaining a Journal is rewarding, and a Gratitude Journal is the most powerful transformational tool one can have.

While I do keep a ‘Regular Journal’, I then had simply ran out of stuff to write in my Gratitude Journal, after a week.

“What else is there to be thankful for??” I had reasoned at that time.

Turns out, there is a lot more.

I am planning to restart my attempts to have a Gratitude Journal.

Checkout the book, checkout the movie, and start Gratitude Journaling if you can. It will radically transform your life. If it doesn’t, maybe the next blog post here will. 🥶

I proudly showed my better half, how I managed to link the rough patch, the netflix movie, the book, and the journal. She said it reminds me of a story she read. About a person who was asked to describe a tree, but ends up describing the cow tied to the tree.

Well, this Sunday’s blog post is here, and at least my theory works. 🤷‍♂️

Zen Stories 2 - The Fisherman and The Businessman

Sun, 09 Jan 2022 01:30:00 +0000

I love this story. I heard this first in the secular buddhism podcast, and have later read a few variants of it. I’m sharing one from Paulo Coelho’s blog.

There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village.

As he sat, he saw a Brazilian fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite few big fish.

The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fish?”

The fisherman replied, “Oh, just a short while.”

“Then why don’t you stay longer at sea and catch even more?” The businessman was astonished.

“This is enough to feed my whole family,” the fisherman said.

The businessman then asked, “So, what do you do for the rest of the day?”

The fisherman replied, “Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night.”

The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman.
“I am a PhD in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. Soon you will be able to afford to buy more boats, set up your own company, your own production plant for canned food and distribution network. By then, you will have moved out of this village and to Sao Paulo, where you can set up HQ to manage your other branches.”

The fisherman continues, “And after that?”

The businessman laughs heartily, “After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, and you will be rich.”

The fisherman asks, “And after that?”

The businessman says, “After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!”

The fisherman was puzzled, “Isn’t that what I am doing now?”

I love the story for subtly conveying the message of simplicity, and the fact that we do not need much, and we have in our possession what it takes to be happy.

While penning this, I realised there are three kinds of fisherman.

The fisherman, who is happy being a fisherman:

This one knows what he needs, what he has, what he is doing. His focus is not on the horizon, but on what is near-sight and is happy and content with it. This one will not be swayed by the words of others, does not aim to fly, keeps his feet firmly on the ground, and enjoys taking that peaceful walk on the sea shore alongside the setting sun, every single day.

The fisherman, who is meant to be much more:

This one is aware of who he is, yet has chosen to be more. This one is looking for a way to fly and has his sights set on the horizon and beyond. This one is not scared to venture beyond his comfort zone. He’ll set sail to find what he’s looking for. Because of people like him, the world advances and becomes a much better place.

The fisherman, who doesn’t know he is happy being a fisherman:

And then, there is the third one.

The one who is unaware of what he has and does not value what he possess. The one who is swayed by the words and desires of others. The one who adopts other people’s views as his own, and believes that’s what he should be. The one who thinks time will wait while he seeks what he does not need.

Years later, this one will be wondering “Wasn’t I having all this, before?"

Algo Trader, Why Fear?

Sun, 02 Jan 2022 01:30:00 +0000

When twitteratis who are proven wrong on a daily basis,
keep passing their hunches as expert opinion, without fear,

Algo Trader,
Why Fear?

When the markets trump even the best of the best,
From time to time,

Algo Trader,
Why Fear?

When even the learned fund houses are beaten,
By a simple system following the Index,

Algo Trader,
Why Fear?

When the hordes are following the media,
heeding to every single buy/sell signals they hear,

Algo Trader,
Why Fear?

When the market gaps up,
When the market gaps down,
When the stoplosses get hit,
When your system is in drawdown,

Algo Trader,
Why Fear?

For the system,
Accounts for all the above.

When the regulations change,
When the social experts proclaim systems don’t work,
When doubts cross your mind,
When you think you need to tweak,

Algo Trader,
Without fear,
Remember,

There is no such thing as a perfect system,
There is no such thing as a perfect market,

Your success is determined,
Not by Your firefighting,
Your percentage of wins,
Your percentage of return,
Your search for an elusive hundred percent system.

Your success is determined,
Only by,
Your consistency,
Your time in the market,
Your faith in your research,
Your ability to remain calm,
In the midst of a storm.

Algo Trader,
Why Fear?

When you are a minority, When you an one percent,
When you are the Lion,
In a forest full of weaklings.

Algo Trader,
Why fear the waves,
When you are a rock,
At the bottom of the ocean?

Happy New Year !

Sat, 01 Jan 2022 01:30:00 +0000

Years come,
And years go.

Every first of January,
We celebrate grandly,
What in actuality is,
A mere change of numerals.

Sending wishes,
Receiving wishes,
Asking for more,
Expecting sea change.

Three sixty four later,
The year ends.

Not finding what was sought,
Cast down,
Same story repeats,
The next year.

All the while,
Handily forgetting;
Unless the “seeker” changes,
Mere change in numbers
Would not bring in,
What is being sought.

Shall we start this New Year,
By counting the blessings
We had last year;
And vowing to change for better,
Along with the one,
Which changed to two.

Happy Holidays!

Sat, 25 Dec 2021 05:30:00 +0000

I hope you have had a “good” year so far!

Holidays are the time to unwind, relax and spend more time with your family and loved ones. And it is also the time to reflect on the year that has (almost) passed.

This year and the past one, would have been a life changing one for most of us, in one way or other.

The year in which our definition of “good” changed drastically.

The year in which we discovered that we have already been blessed with a lot of “good”.

The year in which we realised the difference between “needs” and “wants”, between “must have” and “good to have”.

The year in which we relearned to prioritize people over possessions, and relationships over arguments.

I hope we remember all the lessons learned, and carry forward them to next year and make conscious decisions to prioritize “the real” important things in life.

Merry Christmas 🎅 & Happy Holidays ⛄

See you next year !

Take a step back

Sun, 19 Dec 2021 01:30:00 +0000

The traffic was sparse on the highway that day. I was cruising along lazily when I spotted an event unfolding in front of me. A heavy vehicle moved from the one of the fast lanes to slow lane, and started reducing it’s speed - presumably for an imminent turn or a stop. A sedan travelling in the slow lane, noticed the truck late, went close behind it and was repeatedly honking to speed up. The driver was visibly agitated, waving his hands in frustration.

“Why can’t the sedan slow down, shift to the fast lane, and go on his way?" I mused as I followed and observed these vehicles from a distance. “When the other lanes are clear, why is he concerned about the slowing vehicle in front of him?"

Slowly, I realized that he is not seeing the same picture as me. I could see the entire road, including the free lanes, from a few metres behind, whereas the sedan’s driver could see only the back of the truck. I quickly sped past both of them and went on my way.

When I was thinking about what to write for the Sunday morning blog article, I remembered the incident described above.

Life is like travelling on the highway. All one wants to do is to cruise along in an empty road in nice weather, while listening to delightful music.

Sure, some days are going to be like that!

But that’s not going to happen every day. Obstacles and issues will arise from time to time, like the truck on the highway. Trucks come in a variety of sizes and shapes, just like the hurdles in life’s road. Some would be easy to cross, while others would need some effort.

And then, there are those from which you cannot find a way around or figure a way out. Like if you had hit a dead end. Like if you had crossed a point of no return.

When that happens, take a moment to think.

Are you too close to the problem? Too close to the issues you are facing?

Too close that you are missing the bigger picture? Too close that you fail to spot the easy way out.

*Take a few steps back. Look at the bigger picture. Maybe, just maybe, there is an easy way out, hidden in plain sight.*

Leap of faith

Sun, 12 Dec 2021 01:30:00 +0000

I pulled off a daring manoeuvre that allowed me to finish my goal and win a lot of points. Unfortunately, the guards have spotted me and are pursuing me. What do I do? I spot a tower and begin climbing it in the hopes of eluding the guards. The guards have spotted me again, and while some are still in pursuit of me, others stand guard at the base of the tower. I am trapped. What do I do??

Well, I keep climbing to the top of the tower, complete a synch manoeuvre, walk across the ledge atop the tower, see a cart below and perform a leap of faith. Miraculously, I end up in the cart in one piece and sneak away from prying eyes.

Apologies, if none of this makes any sense.

I was referring to the Assassin’s Creed game franchise’s ‘Leap of Faith’ manoeuvre. In the late 2000s, I was a huge fan of the game, and one of the biggest appeals was the visually spectacular ‘Leap of Faith,’ described above and seen below.

I spent a lot of wonderful hours on the game franchise, and performed countless leaps of faith. And then, I got bored and moved on. Years went by, and I forgot about the game, and I forgot about the Leaps of Faith I used to take.

Something happened a week ago that reminded me about Leaps of Faith.

When I travel into the city, I pass by the airport. I was joined on some occasions by my toddler, who is a big fan of anything that flies. She used to point out and exclaim, “Look Dad, Plane !!!” whenever she saw a plane landing or taking off from the airport.

I was driving into the city with my better half and my toddler one night. My daughter couldn’t see anything outside because it was dark. She was completely unaware that we were so close to the airport. A airplane had taken off, and all that could be seen of it were blinking lights quickly fading into the horizon.

Me and my spouse were wondering if the little one can make out what the lights were. We decided to keep mum and see what happens. Soon enough, we heard the scream of joy “Look Dad, Plane !!!" The kid spotted the fading lights and correctly deduced that they belonged to a jet in the few seconds that followed. When asked how she reached to this conclusion (despite the fact that she had never seen an aeroplane flying in the night sky), she replied quickly, “Flying Lights, Plane!!!"

With what little information and knowledge she had, she came to a conclusion and confidently took a leap of faith, and she was proven right in the end.

Kids do that all the time. They leap without worry.

And adults? Rarely so !! What changed as we grow up? We gain more expertise, we have access to a wealth of information in our fingertips. And yet, taking a educated guess, taking a leap of faith never comes easy for an adult. I’ve been thinking about this for a few days, and here’s what I’ve come up with:

Fear of the Unknown:

The more information we have as adults, the more we understand what can go wrong.(For the same reason, doctors are terrible patients. They are aware of their diagnosis as well as any potential complications.) As a result, adults tend to worry about the unknown, their fear of self-preservation sets in, they stay in their comfort zone, and they never take the leap of faith.

Children, on the other hand, are fascinated by the unknown since they know nothing about it and are eager to take the leap. They look forward to make the unknown, known!

Journey & Destination:

Adults are more concerned with the final destination. They want to get to their destination, their objectives, in the least amount of time and in the safest manner possible. They don’t take the leap of faith, since they’ve discovered a safer, faster option. They’ve also forgotten that the journey is just as pleasurable as the destination.

Kids enjoy the journey without caring about the destination, and they take the leap without fear of crashing into the cart because they are enjoying the new experience that comes with the leap, at that moment.

Trust on themselves & others:

Kids jump, because they know someone is going to be there to catch hold of them.

Trust never comes easy for the adult. The trust on themselves and their abilities and the trust they place on others. They are wary if they can really jump, if someone is gonna be there to catch them, or if that someone will end up crushing them to oblivion. Too many ‘if’s’ and unfortunately not many adults can make the leap.

After a lot of pondering, I made a short list for me to revisit from time to time:

Too much knowledge is not always beneficial.
Do plan, but stop focusing on the destination.
We are all going somewhere. And we will greatly benefit by learning to enjoy the journey.
We have a lot to learn from our kids.
Some risks are worth taking. We have to believe in ourselves, trust our gut, and take that leap of faith sometimes.

We may land, or we may crash. But we will never know, until we take the leap of faith.

Zen Stories - Horse and it's Rider

Sun, 05 Dec 2021 01:30:00 +0000

This is a favourite story of mine, and I would like to share it with you. This is the story which got me exploring buddhism, in the midst of covid lockdown last year. I have read the same story in one of Thich Nhat Hanh’s books, and in the Secular Buddhism podcast. This is how it goes.

The Story:

A person is standing along a road when he notices something moving extremely fast in the distance, with dust clouds swarming around it. He squints his eyes and could make out a fast moving horse, coming in his direction. A few moments later, he could visualize the man riding the horse. The man seems well dressed and looked eminent.

“He must be doing something vital, something very crucial,” the bystander reasoned, “since he is travelling at such a high speed.”

Shortly, the horse and its rider were close to the bystander. And once they were close by, the bystander shouted “Where are you going?"

The rider replied “I don’t know! Ask the horse”

The Zen meaning behind the story:

Short, and powerful story. Isn’t it?

The Zen meaning behind this parable is that,

Our habits are represented by the horse. Our habits drive us, much like the rider who gets dragged somewhere by the horse, over which he appears to have no control. These habits, created as a result of external influences such as the news, the media, social media, and peer pressure, push us cruelly and persistently, and we have little or no control over them, so we just keep running.

If only we could stop and ask,

Where are we running?

Why are we running?

We can identify the grip our habits have us on, and can start thinking about ways to regain control of ourselves.

My interpretation of the story:

I first encountered this story, during the early days of the pandemic. And like many health professionals, I was facing an ethical dilemma at that time. Time when a lot was not known about the disease, and no treatment or vaccines were available. The dilemma was, whether to stay safe behind closed doors to protect those I care about, or to go out and honour the Hippocrates' oath.

At that time my mind was galloping around, imagining countless probabilities. Most of them were negative, and was I getting worked up. My mind was the horse, and I was being driven relentlessly by it, with no end to my misery in sight.

The moment I heard this story, it was as if a candle was lit in a dark room.

I realized what was driving me, I could ask my mind to slow down, take it a day at a time, avoid pondering over the horizon, and approximately twenty months later, I live to blog about it.

When you’re at a crossroads, remembering this narrative can help you reinforce “why you’re doing whatever you’re doing,” and will either give you the strength to push forward or the clarity to turn back.

The Airpods Audiophile

Wed, 01 Dec 2021 15:00:00 +0000

Not so long ago, I was an audiophile. Or I liked to call myself an audiophile. The Dictionaries & Wikipedia define audiophile like this…

au·dio·phile | \ ˈȯ-dē-ō-ˌfī(-ə)l \ : a person who is enthusiastic about high-fidelity sound reproduction

I would say that is a pretty accurate description. One small problem with that description though, which I will explain later.

For a few years, I was a hardcore ‘definition’ audiophile. I spent time joining groups of like minded people (my ‘hi-fi gang’ then, with whom I shared a lot of fond memories), attending hi-fi expos, scrounging online forums looking for deals in the used market, constantly planning upgrades, hunting high quality sources for audio, pestering relatives coming from abroad to carry hi-fi gadgets, wondering if I should go retro ( Vinyl records and players), debating the age old problem of Mp3 vs FLAC ( YES !! It is a real conundrum. Google only if you have lots of hours to kill).

I spent a lot of time and money collecting headphones, speakers, amplifiers, DAC, expensive wires to connect all these (YEP!! Regular wires won’t do. Do not google about it. You have been warned !!). I joined groups where I could collect good quality source files. I was constantly figuring out how to have the gigabytes large library available where and when I need it. A few years went this way. Then something changed.

I realized that the higher you go up in the audiophile journey, it’s a curve that rises slow. Meaning, spending increasing amounts of money brings you marginal benefits (Which, by the way, applies to a lot of things in life). And more better your equipments are, more pronounced were the artefacts with your audio sources (a.k.a “songs” for the common folks), and the hunt for ‘even better’ audio began.

And there was a problem of good quality content. Getting good quality non-pirated music was a task, was expensive and it lacked the variety that’s found in current gen streaming music apps. For the most of my audiophile journey, I spent looping Ilayaraja or A.R.Rahman.

To be honest, the above two are The part and parcel of being an audiophile, and are minor issues for a true audiophile. The main problem I mentioned above was that I was spending more time being enthusiastic about sound reproduction, rather than enjoying the music, and it was beginning to fatigue me.

And, I figured out that my listening happened during my daily commute, or during my work breaks, and for some time before hitting the bed. Carrying my heavy audio gear around with me was not an option and I was fine listening to regular ‘lo-fi’ audio during commute and at work. The sheer effort of bringing my hi-fi audio gear and the audio content next to my bed, and protecting it from my toddler, meant that I ended up listening to lo-fi before sleep.

Around the same time, I was trying to embrace minimalism. I decided that it was time for me to move on from being an audiophile and unclutter my audio gear, and sold of my gear at a discount to one of my hi-fi gang members. I was a recent convert into the apple ecosystem, and I decided to get an Airpods Pro, with the proceeds from the sale.

Airpods Pro, is a curious phenomenon. It is not the ‘first in market’ wireless earbud, it is not the best sounding earbud (but it does get close), it does not have the best noise cancellation, and yet in a short period, it became an indispensable gadget for me.

There is something about an well packaged Apple gadget - Either it changes you, or you change and adapt to it.

I was using Airpods with my phone, iPad and mac - with it seamlessly switching between all three, and when I was out running, I had it connected with my watch and stream music. Soon enough, I had spent more time with Airpods than with any of my audio gears which I owned before. And more importantly, I was listening to more music than ever. In 2020 I had listened to hundreds of new artists in Spotify, and found a quite a few favourite artists and songs.

I was listening to music and enjoying it, without having to worry about source, conversion, equalization, placement, acoustics, and without having to worry about waking up others. And I had managed to minimize my possessions in the process.

I no longer fit the definition of an audiophile.

I became ‘the Airpods Audiophile’ and I am extremely happy about it.

Push, or Pull?

Sun, 28 Nov 2021 01:30:00 +0000

Couple of days ago, I was in a restaurant having breakfast, when I noticed something interesting. The dining hall of the restaurant was separated from the washroom by two glass doors. The glass doors had the automatic door closing hinges attaches to them. The door on the right labelled ‘Pull’ , and the one on the left labelled ‘Push’.

In a flash, I remembered that when I frequented the door, I had used my left hand to push the left door away.

A simple act, but I could not make sense of it.

I, like 90% of the human population, am Right handed. And without the door labels, I was pretty sure I would have used my right hand to dabble with the right door. But, on seeing the door labels, the subconscious had determined that pushing the door is easier than pulling, and had made me use my non dominant hand to push the left door.

To test my (brilliant !!!) hypothesis, I observed the next few people frequented the door. Some used their right hand, some used their left, but almost everyone pushed the left door, instead of pulling the right.

This made me wonder. Deep inside, are we wired to take the easy way out? If we are wired to take the easy way out in a trivial task like opening a door, where the end result is the same no matter which door we choose, what about complex tasks? Hard decisions that will alter our future? Change our destiny?

It is no secret that the number of risk takers are less compared to those playing it safe. Everyone’s appetite for risk varies, after all. Some wired to risk it all, some wired to play it safe.

I just wonder, how many of the risk averse people are ‘naturally cautious’, and how many of them would be more open for challenges, once they realise that the ‘subconscious thoughts of self preservation’ is the one that’s holding them back!

Lines of an timeless poem by Robert Frost came to my mind:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

The world would probably be better off,
If more less traveled roads were taken,
If more doors were ‘pulled’.

I made a mental note to pull the door next time, paid my cheque and moved on !!

raghk.in

About a friend who feathered away

Symbol of freedom

The Place Where We Had Internet

Perspectives

Enough

Legacy

Lost Magic

The Accidental Stoics

Procrastination and Parallel Lives

Chasing the perfect cushion

Insignificant

The Gift of Tomorrow

Ten Reminders from a Road Diversion !!

Change is Hard.

Realising who is the first victim of change.

What’s common to one, is unique to someone else.

Appreciate those who do ‘more’ with ‘less’.

Respect physical work.

Good company makes everything bearable.

Share a meal, Share a laugh.

Decrease wants.

Eventually, Change becomes a Habit.

This too shall pass.

Why Write?

1. Writing is Hard !

2. Finding people to read, is even more Hard !

3. Writing has no Face !

4. Writing, is like running !

5. Everybody is a Writer !

This is exactly why I became a Writer !!

Curve of Choices

A Rough patch, a Movie and a Journal

Zen Stories 2 - The Fisherman and The Businessman

The fisherman, who is happy being a fisherman:

The fisherman, who is meant to be much more:

The fisherman, who doesn’t know he is happy being a fisherman:

Algo Trader, Why Fear?

Happy New Year !

Happy Holidays!

Take a step back

Leap of faith

Fear of the Unknown:

Journey & Destination:

Trust on themselves & others:

Zen Stories - Horse and it's Rider

The Story:

The Zen meaning behind the story:

My interpretation of the story:

The Airpods Audiophile

Push, or Pull?